(Minister Well Newsletter, April 2017)
Ministry work is people work, and people work is messy. During orientation to my post-doctoral residency, I was issued a physician’s lab coat to denote my status as a doctor, which would allow me easy access throughout the hospital. I, however, thought this was quite a humorous piece of uniform for a Ph.D. doctor and often joked that if I needed a lab coat while practicing psychotherapy then something had gone terribly awry. Now that I’ve been in the field for some years, I appreciate the symbolism of the lab coat. When you get down into the mess of people’s lives with them… people work is messy! Pastoral counseling is an area of ministry for which ministry leaders often feel and/or are underprepared. Far too often you are armed with extensive Bible knowledge, but perhaps much less prepared for the “messes” that you minister to. (Note: Counting yourself as one of those “messes” is a great starting place for this aspect of ministry.)
Mind
In order to get close to people and their problems a certain confidence is required. A young minister once asked me “how do you ever reach that place where you know how to handle every situation or problem that a person presents?” He went on to marvel that a more senior minister always seemed to have all the answers. Imagine the young minister’s surprise and disappointment when I told him that I haven’t reached that place of certainty in my counseling ability yet and hope that I never do. Instead, it is far more crucial and attainable to grow in confidence that you can instill hope in another person by being present with them in the midst of uncertainty and by pointing to Christ. Don’t think of yourself as an old sage doling out advice; rather, think of yourself as a trustworthy, empathic, Brother/Sister who is willing to get messy with other people and show through your own authenticity that your confidence is in God, not yourself.
Body
What does it mean literally to get in someone’s mess with them? Simply put, you must come alongside of others. It is exceptionally difficult for an individual to feel that you are “with them” when you are on the other side of a massive wooden desk and framed by shelves of impressive theology books. Therefore, whether you are ministering to a child, a homeless Brother, or a bedridden individual, get on the same level as the person you are talking to. Yes, I mean that literally! Sit down – on the ground if you need to – to connect eye-to-eye. Be aware of your physical presence and how it is creating comfort or distance. Likewise, your nonverbal communication says a great deal about how connected you are. People know when you are faking it…and so do you. If you are crawling out of your skin, uninterested, distracted, repulsed, attracted, or too emotionally affected personally then own up to that and consider how God would have you minister to this person in this moment. In future newsletters we will discuss when it is appropriate to enlist others, but for now the emphasis is on intentionally making your behavior demonstrate that you are fully present.
Spirit
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Would you please read that verse again but put your name in the place of “us” and “we”? This is one of the differences between secular and Christian counseling. There is a comfort that we have that goes beyond changing our thinking and behavior (though those are powerful and life-changing). It is a comfort that allows us to come face to face with our depravity/pain and come away rejoicing that Christ declared, “it is finished.” Furthermore, we are enfolded in a supernatural peace that the Father has never and will never turn His face away from us in our mess. In order to come along others in their mess, you must be keenly aware of and resting in the comfort you receive from Him in your own mess.
Challenge
Mind – Be confident that you can be used by God to instill hope in others.
Body – Let your behavior demonstrate that you are fully present.
Spirit – Comfort others with the comfort that you have received from God.
Wishing you good health – mind, body, and spirit.
In Him,
Heather Clark, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist, PY 7620