(Minister Well Newsletter, December 2017)
“Merry Christmas!” Beginning the day after Thanksgiving we eagerly greet people with these words and sentiment. Our homes, churches, and communities begin to twinkle and shine with Christmas decorations. And, even the people get a bit of polishing as they don festive clothes that are only worn this month. But for many people the stress, increased activities, and financial strain of December is draining. For some folks, all of the merriment and busyness goes beyond a “little holiday stress,” and it further entrenches pre-existing depression, loneliness, anxiety, and relational wounds. As we all know, serving in ministry doesn’t protect any of us from these emotional challenges, so you may be one of the people who struggle to find joy in the Christmas season. Even as I pray that you are not, I hope that this newsletter edition will increase both self-awareness and ideas for how to come alongside others during the holidays.
Mind
Unrealistic expectations of how much we can accomplish, how quickly tasks will be completed (both work and pleasure), and how magical everything needs to be increases our overall stress. But the disappointment and anxiety that is bred by not fulfilling those impractical expectations is avoidable by learning to adjust our outlook. We can begin by setting realistic expectations about how much running around we can (should) do; having a healthy appraisal of how much we will be able to focus on various tasks; and being honest about how many hours are in the day. In other words, we would do well to remember that our lives and families may be more like the pre-Christmas chaos scenes of Home Alone and The Grinch rather than the family sing-along at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life. Things often don’t run smoothly… plan for that. Again, the emphasis here is on having realistic expectations. Plan that there will be lines at the stores, that work projects take longer because of office holiday distractions, and that your family members’ eyes don’t always twinkle. When we are more realistic in our expectations then we can begin to behave in healthy ways that account for those realities. Healthy thinking staves off depression, anxiety, and even relational challenges.
Body
Based on our realistic expectations, one of the most effective behavior changes we can make is putting significant time buffers into our schedules. Imagine the faint red margin lines on a sheet of notebook paper that represents the waking hours of your week. Do not schedule your work, play, and responsibilities into the margins. Protect the space/time in the margins. And remember, everything takes longer than you expect, so schedule accordingly. This may mean moving some tasks to January, proactively choosing to say no to some gatherings, and working as a team with others at home and the office. After you have lightened your schedule enough to breathe, know that it is vital to have social support over the holidays. Rather than hustling and bustling to make the perfect Christmas gift, event, or meal, give yourself permission to enjoy the season with people in your life. Also, reach out to long-lost friends and make new friends. And even if no one else seems to be interested, be sure not to miss out on those holiday moments and treats that you look forward to all year. A final word of behavioral caution is be mindful of your festive alcohol consumption, as excessive drinking will exacerbate depression and negative thinking.
Spirit
On Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus. We celebrate that birth because of the sinless life the infant grew up to live, the death He died as a ransom for our sin, and the salvation that only He can provide as the Risen Savior. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27). Focusing on the One who came to give us eternal peace will renew our connection with that deep peace (i.e., the Holy Spirit) in the midst of the goings-on of this season. The “very first Christmas” was not about the glitz, the gifts, or the party. This Christmas will be just as perfect as the first Christmas if we keep our focus on Christ.
Challenge
- Have realistic expectations.
- Protect the margins.
- Engage in social activities.
- Focus on the Prince of Peace.
Wishing you good health – mind, body, and spirit.
In Him,
Heather Clark, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist, PY 7620
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